 |
| Image from: https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/8d/c6/73/8dc673d03258f4291b519c9cb45e04f9.jpg |
Uzgrim's story...
Rotgut shifted his grip on his war mace, its blood stained
shaft familiar in his scarred hands. He looked across the filth of the camp to
see Uzgrim, the Marauders’ hulking warlord, picking at the remains of a spit
roasted sheep surrounded by his favoured warriors. Nazdreg was there, as was
the stupendously foolish Naznob, the leader of the newly recruited Snortas. As far as
Rotgut was concerned Naznob's Snortas were pig-loving glory hunters.
‘Oi, Boss!’
Uzgrim looked up, his heavy chin thick with mutton grease.
And worse. Rotgut opened his mouth wide, baring sharp yellowing teeth, laughing
long and hard.
‘It's time that you wasn't da boss no more.’
Uzgrim had known this was coming. If not from Rotgut, then
from another ingrate upstart. Having dragged his Marauders over the Middle Mountains they'd run into some dirty beard-wearing
Northmen, fresh of the boat smelling of salt water and blood. Orc blood. Too
much orc blood. In fact, in their three bloody meetings Uzgrim had been bested
every time and now his own boys were beginning to doubt him. But fighting for
position was part of the job, a good part. ‘It's a…’ thought Uzgrim, ‘a
meritocra… a merit… Gah… Survival of the
watzzit… Meanest.’
Uzgrim took a final bite of the greasy meat, throwing the
bones to the snotlings lurking in the trees at the edges of the camp. Getting to his feet,
unarmed and leisurely, he stepped up to Rotgut, disdaining the heavy bladed
choppa offered up by Malfang. To take it would be to admit weakness, fear.
Malfang, his personal standard bearer and long term ally, would know this,, the
gesture more a test of his leadership than an offer of support. Malfang’s
loyalty would last no longer than Uzgrim's strength.
A ragged circle of boyz formed, hooting, jeering, spitting
and laughing. Rotgut raised his mace in the air, barking out a guttural challenge,
jabbing a thick finger into Uzgrim’s chest. The import of the gesture was clear and Uzgrim's response
was instant. His forehead connecting with the bridge of Rotgut’s stub nose. The
blow had little effect beyond rocking Rotgut’s head back. It was all the
opening Uzgrim needed, his tusk-like teeth tearing a ragged hole in his
opponent’s thick neck.
Rotgut slumped to
the blood soaked ground, his challenge undone.
Uzgrim looked over at Naznob, the boar rider looking on at the bloody scene unmoved. ‘Feed him to the pigs.’
The truth…
Behind this clunky story lies a germ of gaming truth written
on the grassy (tablecloth) plains in what my boys call ‘Daddy’s playroom’. It's
a painful truth. In five games of third ed. Warhammer, itself a painful if
rewarding learning experience, Uzgrim’s Marauders have won precisely no
battles. Admittedly the first, against a skeleton horde, might have just about
gone their way but since then things have gone downhill fast. The next three
games saw Uzgrim take on a Norse warband. In the first he drove his chariot
straight off the table (thanks to a massively buffed Stampede spell. (The
lessons learned. We decided to limit modifications to magic saving throws to
just one point to avoid auto success).
The next was closer, this time we had the help of a neutral third-party force made up of black orcs and ogres who tied up the Norse for a while.
In the third encounter with the Norsemen Uzgrim recruited a giant, a move countered by the
Norsemen dragging along a huge unit of Fimir. When the giant rocked up drunk
things looked bad and they got worse as the unit of two stone throwers was put
out of action by Winds of Magic. Uzgrim's lesson - don't put too many eggs in one basket...
In the final battle, Uzgrim found himself facing an Undead gun
line. This was an uphill struggle from turn one. The giant’s
second drunken appearance didn't help… The lesson from that one? Maybe use
advance forces? Perhaps bring in the victory points conditions to give more static lists a reason to
leave the deployment zone. And maybe leave the giant at home, drunk side-changing
monsters sound hilarious but actually aren't that entertaining if they happen
to be on your side, twice! Uzgrim, who thinks Giants look very cool, thinks a
better strategy might be to bring two along…
The deal…
While Uzgrim may have survived this time, the boys won't be
giving him another chance. If the Marauders don't see victory in their next
outing his fight for leadership is going to take place on the tabletop. Dice
and heads will roll. Matt, if you're reading, you'll be rolling for the
challenger... Could this be the end of Uzgim? Only time will tell!
